Blair Teaches Maka Through Song!
by Spazittarius
Summary: Maka is just a bit down in the dumps. On her anniversary of becoming partners with Soul, all she wants is to go out on a date with him! Completely lost, Blair decides to lift her spirits, and try to teach her a lesson on winning over Soul... through a modified version of the song 'Popular' from Wicked! (Funny Song Fic, possible Soma chapter in the future! Enjoy!)


**A/N: This happened a year or so ago, originally in an RP with my best friend Maggie… We decided that the rest of the fandom needed to experience this, so I put it into a story format and altered a few things for your reading pleasure! :D ENJOY – Spazittarius**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN SOUL EATER OR WICKED.**

Maka sat at home, curled up on her bed with a book, as per usual, but something just wasn't right. She couldn't think straight, and it wasn't because of school – she's top of the class just like always – and nor was it because of her soul collection; her and Soul were making good progress and out of the remedial classes with Professor Stein. Even still, Maka was not her normal joyous self, even though she was reading one of her favorite stories. She just couldn't get immersed in it like she would on most occasions.

"I just can't read this right now…" she sighed placing the book down. "Maybe I can try something else…" she mumbled to herself and turned to face the books on the shelf next to her. "Mystery? No. Horror? No. Non-fiction? No." She spoke to herself, running her fingers along the spine of each book she past and pulling them out. "Romance…?" Maka paused at this book, and turned to read the reviews on the back cover.

'An amazing boy-meets-girl story of friendship, blossoming into the truest form of love,' says the Editor of the Death City Times.

'I laughed and cried with this mismatched couple of a goody-two-shoes girl and a classic bad-boy!' Exclaims the founder of the Death City Readers Society.

'I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS BOOK! I'm going to make my Kiddo read it!" Brags Lord Death himself!

"DEFINITELY NOT!" Maka shouted despite herself, and forced the book back into the shelf. She threw herself back onto her bed and stared at the ceiling, wondering what to do now.

"Nyah? Maka!" She heard a high giddy voice and closed her eyes frowning. Blair was most definitely not the person to talk to right now. Maybe Tsubaki could help, or even Liz, but Blair? No, that would just make the situation much, much worse for her. "Maaaaakkkaaaa," Blair continued, hopping onto the bed in her cat-form. She was certainly too oblivious to notice Maka didn't want company right now.

"Blair…" Maka sighed, half wanting to throw a fit and yell at Blair to leave her alone, and half just wanting to cry. However, being the strong, levelheaded girl Maka liked to be, she did neither. "I'm not feeling too well right now. Not to be mean, I'm just not in the mood to hang out."

"Wah, why not Maka? Are you sick?" Blair didn't back off and did quite the opposite, moving up to Maka's face and licking her cheek with her cat tongue to comfort her.

After a bit of hesitation, Maka replied with a simple, "No."

"So… you're upset then?" Blair pushed.  
"I guess you could say that. It doesn't matter though, I just don't want to talk about it."

"Wahh…" Blair made a kind of whining sound again. "Why not, aren't we friends?!"

Maka rolled her eyes and turned over, "Yes Blair, we're friends."

"Yay! So tell me what's wrong! We can have a girl talk!" Blair instantly perked up, and hopped over Maka's stomach so she was sitting in front of her. "Tell Big Sister Blair what's wrong!" She said enthusiastically with a swish of her tail. With that, Maka sighed and sat up against the headrest. She knew there was no point in arguing after Blair had her mind set on something, so she decided to just admit the issue she was having.

"It's a boy problem," was all she said, and that was all it took for Blair to get worked up. In a second she was in her human form, now crunched up next to Maka and grinning wickedly.

"I LOVE BOYS! How could they ever be a problem?" Blair tilted her head confused, because as everyone knew, Blair loved boys.

Maka sighed once again. "Its because there is one boy I really, really like… Maybe even love… but he doesn't feel the same. That's why I'm upset. I don't know how to get him to like me back." She looked down for a bit, embarrassed, waiting for a response. When she didn't get one soon, she slowly raised her eyes up, and found a dumbfounded Blair with her mouth agape.

"MAKA LIKES A BOOOOOOOY!" She exclaimed then, beaming, and threw her arms around her, which earned a glare. Slowly Blair retreated back to where she was sitting previously, but not losing her grin. "Who is it? And why would you ever say he doesn't like you? WHO WOULDN'T LIKE ADORABLE LITTLE MAKA BAKA?!"

"I can't tell you…" Maka trailed off, and then added, "He's your scythe-y boy anyway…" under her breath.

Blair gave a completely unnecessarily overdramatized gasp, "YOU LIKE SOUL?!" Her cat-like grin widened even more, "I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT SINCE I MOVED IN! I don't mind, I mean of course he's my cute little Soully-Woully and I wanted him when you tried to attack me but since then I decided that you two would be absolutely PERFECT together and I'm SO SO SO SO SO EXCITED!"

Maka was frozen. "H-how did you hear that…?"

Blair twitched her cat ears, "Cats have incredible hearing, you know that Maka."

"Right… I wanted to go out with him today… It's the anniversary of when we became partners, and since then my feelings became much... deeper" Maka mumbled. After a moment of silence she shook off the shock that had consumed her and resumed her cold and angry state. "Well. It doesn't matter anyway. He doesn't like me back and there's nothing I can do about it. …I bet its because I'm flat."

"Now hush up Maka! YOU'RE A CUTIE REGARDLESS OF YOUR BOOBIE SIZE!" Blair hugged again, and Maka growled quietly. Blair retreated once again. "Anyways, I think he likes you!" When Maka didn't answer she started pouting, and so she decided to speak up once again. "You know… there's one thing I can do to help you if you really, really want… It works on _every_ guy!"

Maka lifted her head up to the neko sitting with her. "What is it…?"

Suddenly, there was… music.

"Oh no."

"_Whenever I see someone, less fortunate than I, and lets face it, who isn't, less fortunate than I?" _Blair ended singing that line with a giggle. _"My GORGEOUS heart tends to start to bleed. And if someone needs I makeover, I simply have to takeover, I know, I know, exactly what you need!_" Blair grinned encouragingly at Maka and pulled her up off her bed and into her chair in front of the mirror. She then held her boobs up, "A push up maybe?"

"HEY I THOUGHT YOU SAID –" Maka screamed outraged, but was cut off by Blair resuming her singing.

"_And even in your case, though it's the toughest case I've yet to face, don't worry, I'm determined, to succeed…" _With this line, she dumped a bunch of makeup and beauty supplies on the desk. "_Follow my leeeeaaaddd!"_

"I. Will. Kill. You." Maka threatened through her teeth, but was completely ignored by Blair. All she did in response was twirl her finger. There was no visible effect, but Maka soon realized she couldn't move and her eyes widened, but she remained unwillingly silent.

"_And yes, indeed. You," _she began applying foundation and bronzer to Maka's face. "_Will…" _followed by eye makeup. "_Be…." _She then let down Maka's pigtails. "_Sluttier. I'll help you be sluttier! I'll teach you the proper poise, when you talk to boys!" _Blair stood up in a way pushing out her chest and butt. "_Little ways to flirt and flounce! I'll show you what shoes to wear," _she then conjured up a pair of strappy black heels just Maka's size and put them on the desk, "_How to fix your hair," _she flipped her own in example, and then used her magic to make Maka do it as well. "Just like that!" she beamed. "_Its everything that counts to be sluttier! I'll help you be sluttier!_ _You'll wear all the proper things, like these hoop earrings," _Blair then conjured up a mini-dress and the large silver hoop earrings she was referring too in her song. "_You'll show the skin you've got to show!" _She then used her magic to make Maka's shirt unbutton the first few buttons. "_So let's start, we've got quite a ways to go~!"_

As Blair focused her magic on the creation of clothes and the continuing background music, her restraint on Maka started to slip, just enough so she continue yelling at her. "BLAIR LET ME GO THIS IS NOT WHAT I ASKED FOR!"

"Yes you did, Maka-baka, now let me finish my song! It'll help you I promise!"

"THIS IS NOT THE KIND OF HELP I WANT BL–"

"_Don't be afraid to let your boobs hang out a bit, be a tramp – _It's fun!" Blair added with a wink, "_Why not just have a go at it! Now that I've chosen to become a pal, a sister, and advisor, there's nobody wiser! Not when it comes to Sluttier! I know about sluttier!"_

"CLEARLY," Maka hissed.

"_With an assist from me, to be who you'll be, instead of modest who you were, or well, are…" _Blair shrugged, hugging Maka close. "_There's nothing that will stop you, from becoming sluttier! ...Ar! _And getting Soul…" Blair giggled, although Maka was steaming mad. _ "You'll be sluttier! I'm gonna make you slut-ti-er! When I see depressing creatures, __with unprepossessing features, I remind them on their own behalf. To. Think. Of. Celebrated film stars," _She had to justify this with air quotes,_ "or especially great po-ole dancers. Did they have brains or knowledge? Don't make me laugh! They were Sluttier! _Please Maka, you gotta know it's about sluttier! _It's all about flashing boobs, and how you're viewed, so its very shrew to be, increasingly sluttier, _LIKE ME!"

Maka was still completely angry, and couldn't move much, but thanks to Blair's magic she was standing up and with a burst of purple smoke, Maka was wearing the black sequined mini-dress, black heels, and hoop earrings. Her hair was down covering her bare shoulders, and her makeup made her look extremely mature and attractive.

"Oh look at you Maka, you're beautiful… _You have a visible chest," _she applied some light red lipstick onto Maka's lips as a finishing touch, "_And now you'll kiss the best…_ You'll be a guy magnet, he won't be able to say no! _You're just so much sluttier… but not, quite, as, s-lut-ty as… ME!" _Blair finished her song with a laugh and released her magic controlling Maka.

"BLAIR I'M GOING TO KILL –" Maka was shouting as soon as she could be heard, but Blair just shook her head.

"Maka, just look at yourself…" She convinced Maka to actually look at herself in the mirror, and Maka was quiet.

"This isn't my usual attire but…"

"But…?" Blair asked hopefully.

"I… do look rather attractive. But I don't know if this will do anything to help my situation with Soul!"

"I'm sure he already likes you, and looking like that, he won't be able to resist asking you out on a date looking like that!" There was the sound of keys jingling, and a door opening.

"Maka? Blair? I'm home from my er… errands…" came Soul's voice from the hallway.

Blair smirked and Maka's face turned pale white under all the makeup."If you don't believe me," Blair continued, "It seems he's home. Why don't we go find out?" Blair turned into a cat and bounded out the door, "Oh Soul, I have a surprise for you~."

**A.N.: So… THERE YOU HAVE IT! Please R&R, and if you enjoyed it, you'll probably enjoy my other Soul Eater Crack/Songfic titled, "Party at a Rich Dude's House." Also, I might add a second chapter, with Soul's reaction and maybe even another musical number! X3 So let me know what you think, if I should add to it, or if you have any ideas or songs I should make fics for! Thanks for reading, ta-ta for now! -Spazittarius **


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